he Dating Box
by: Devlyn Steele
Weather you are actively
dating or just getting back into dating, it
is a world full of possibilities. However,
most of us are creatures of habit and our
patterns keep us in a dating box, searching
for and dating the same types over and over.
Making contact online, you
first have to find people that interest you
by searching the dating website’s
membership. Online the dating box is
literal, as you have to fill in web forms to
find potential dates. Most dating sites give
you two ways to search – quick or advanced.
Quick searches are just that – they’re small
web forms that let you search based on just
a few criteria, like location or age.
Advanced searches are larger web forms that
let you search using lots of more specific
criteria, like hair color, eye color,
education, body type and more.
Just remember that the more
criteria that you use for your searches, the
fewer results you’ll get. Searches are
unforgiving – they’ll return exactly what
you ask for. We call them “harsh numbers”.
When you choose an age range of, let’s say,
30-39, the person who just turned 40 will
not show up in the search results. If you
want to find someone with light brown hair,
those great dark brown haired people…like
me…will be cast aside.
Also, many sites let you use
keywords as part of the search criteria.
This allows a search for words in a member’s
profile that match your areas of interest.
You can search specifically for words like
“tennis”, “skiing”, or something else. This
lets you be super-specific if you wish.
Although you want to find
someone that attracts you and that you share
things in common, don’t limit yourself to
what you think is “your type”. After all,
the “type” that you have gone for in the
past might have not worked out. Think
“outside your box”. What we often think is
“our type” is the same person we have been
chasing unsuccessfully, through one bad
relationship after another, our whole life.
Even if your type was a successful
relationship in the past, you cannot repeat
a relationship you once had with someone
new. Unless you date outside your box you
will never know if maybe someone different
just might be your “type.”
When going over your wants,
there is the numbers trap that we need to
watch out for as well. Offline we often use
the expression, “numbers don’t lie.” However
the new culture of online dating, numbers
often do lie.
For instance the harsh
numbers of weight, height and age when in
black and white may make a person appear
unattractive to you online, who you would
find very attractive offline.
When we meet people in
person we don’t say,
How old are you?
How much do you weigh?
How tall are you?
How much money do you make?
In person someone may carry
his or her height, weight or age off in a
very attractive manner. But when you look at
the numbers online you think too old, too
heavy, too short, too tall etc and that
simply may not be the case. You have the
right to want what you want, but I tell you
this so that you can allow yourself to look
past the numbers and be more open.
If you’re not finding people
that fit, try expanding your horizons. You
are not making any long-term commitment when
meeting people, so be open and meet more
people and who you fall for might surprise
you. So get out of your dating box and don’t
restrict yourself. Allow the incredible
opportunity of online dating to work for
you. Contact and meet a lot of people and
leave yourself open to the possibilities…
